Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory: Why is Mike Teavee bad?
When I was a professor, I taught that there are three typical sets of allusions in literature: that’s Shakespeare, the Bible, and Greek myth. Plus now, popular culture. For some reason, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (not, weirdly, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the novel by Roald Dahl) is the piece of media I reference on a regular basis.
Let me explain.
Warner Bros. Media, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
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Just this week I sent a gif of Gene Wilder’s tuck-and-roll into a flip on his red carpet factory entrance. Told my MIL that falling into a chocolate river was the absolute best way to die. Made my infant’s grandparents all dress up as Oompa Loompas for our Halloween family photo (below!). Or went off on the absolute bullshit of Grandpa Joe suddenly able to not only walk but dance once there’s a prize involved, and how if I was Charlie’s mother I would have smothered Joe with a pillow. Also, we all fast-forward over that “cheer up Charlie” sad-sack ballad, right? I have even been known to shout at random over the singles’ table at a wedding to a bestie I was not seated next to, “MAN, ROALD DAHL FUCKIN HATED KIDS!” when I had an intrusive thought about James of the Giant Peachand his parents getting trampled by rhinoceros.
But here’s my most unpopular opinion. One I haven’t been able to shake since childhood: Charlie Bucket shouldn’t have inherited Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. The clear successor, by both Wonka’s measure and mine, was Mike Teavee. So why was Mike Teavee bad? And why did Charlie win the chocolate factory?
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1. Charle is a little shit
I’m using the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie as canon here. Wonka’s unorthodox golden ticket hiring process selected five little shits. Among those options, Mike Teavee was the best option for a few reasons. He not demonstrated critical thinking skills, but he also shows support and a genuine curiosity about the inventions… and he even challenges Wonka’s creativity on one key venture.
Mike also never disqualified himself by breaking the contract, unlike Charlie. In Wonka’s office toward the end of the film, Wonka says, “You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!” All of that is true. Charlie violated the terms of the contract. And lied about it. But you know who didn’t violate the contract? Mike Teavee.
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2. Mike’s critical thinking skills are a real asset
Mike does question the authenticity of said “contract,” which is all in Latin, from the very moment he signed: “Accidents? What kind of accidents?” Mrs. Teavee even says, “I assume there’s an accident indemnity clause.”
Wonka says, “Never between friends,” and the issue is basically dropped, but then Mike adds, as he’s signing, “Saw this in a movie once. Guy signed his wife’s insurance policy. Then he bumped her off.” He skips happily away, and even Wonka praises his critical thinking, “Clever!”
Mike demonstrates this skill throughout the movie. Before he sells corporate secrets to Wonka’s nemesis Slugworth, he consults his mother. They’re at the WonkaMobile when he asks, “Do you think Slugworth would pay extra to know about this?” We don’t know what would have happened there, but the fact that he asked his mother shows that he’s willing to seek and potentially take advice, which is an important quality for a company president to have.
Charlie says in the Inventing Room, “Even if Slugworth did get in here, he wouldn’t find anything.” Which… um, A, disrespectful. B, him saying that at least puts him on the same level as Mike.
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3. Mike is endlessly supportive
He’s also supportive of the upshot. When Exploding Candy (for your enemies) knocks him down, instead of being upset or complaining, he just exclaims, “Boy, that’s great stuff!” Granted, Wonka told them, no touching, no tasting, no telling… but they all did at least the first two, and right in front of him.
Even after the boat ride that freaks out even the adults, Mike hops off and says, “Why don’t they show that kind of stuff on TV?”
4. Mike challenges Wonka’s R&D
Speaking of support, Mike would have also been heavily involved in Research & Development if Wonka had chosen him. He’s the only one who asks about the mechanics of new inventions, especially the ones that he’s close-to-obsessed with, like television. I think this is the strongest reason why he should have been hired. Mike challenges Wonka’s creativity about WonkaVision.
Wonka is about to mansplain how television works when Mike jumps in and says, “You photograph something and then the photograph is split up into millions of tiny pieces and they go whizzing through the air down to your TV set where they’re all put together again in the right order.”
After belittling him, Wonka explains, “I said to myself, if they can do it with a photograph, why can’t I do it with a bar of chocolate?” He then demonstrates WonkaVision, which also shrinks whatever it transmits. (Incidentally, after this very clear explanation, Charlie asks, “Where’s the chocolate?” and Wonka has to explain again that it’s flying over their heads in a million pieces. Come on, Charlie. Pay attention, man.)
When the experiment delivers, Mike is pumped. He even throws out marketing options: “It’s a TV Dinner!” Then he challenges the idea: “Mr. Wonka, could you send other things?”
“Anything you like!”
“What about… people?”
That question makes Wonka rise to the occasion: “Hm… I don’t really know. I suppose I could. Yes, I’m sure I could!” That’s the kind of attitude you want in a brain trust, and, ultimately, a successor.
So, why is Mike Teavee bad?
Warner Bros. Media, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
It’s not until after Mike is in position, goggles down, that Wonka gives a halfhearted attempt at stopping him (“Stop, don’t, come back...”) Plus, even though Mike is a miniscule version of himself after the transmit, he is still so excited that they pulled off the experiment! He says, “Look at me, everybody! I’m the first person to be sent by television! Wow, what a wild trip that was. It’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me… can I do it again?”
Yet somehow his enthusiasm for product development disqualifies him? Maybe it’s the American in me, but Mike Teavee should be running that chocolate factory right now because those are all executive skills.
So, why is Mike Teavee bad? He isn’t. Mr. Wonka, if you wanted Pure Imagination, you should have selected Mike Teavee.
As promised, the Oompa Loompa family photos:
You can see all of our Halloween family photos here. And follow me for more!
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